Accounting

Number of hours I waited in line for a Pinks famous hot dog: 2*

Number of minutes it took for me to eat: 7, tops

Cost of  my chili dog with sauerkraut: $3.15

Number of times I heard the word “heartburn” while waiting in line: 3

Number of times I heard the word “heartburn” while eating: 1

Actual heartburn experienced: 0 (so far)

Number of times I plan to return: 0**

* I readily acknowledge that this is ridiculous. There’s always a line at Pink’s so I was prepared to wait at least 45 minutes. At the 45-minute mark I was about 2/3 of the way to the front, and once you’re that far in it’s hard to bail. If only I’d known that my advancement up until that point was largely due to attrition of customers in front of me who’d grown tired of waiting.

** I’m glad to have finally tried the dog everyone’s talked about, but it honestly isn’t worth waiting for. Sure, it has nice “pop” (what is the obsession with hot dogs that pop anyway?) and the chili was pretty flavorful. But everything else about the dog was kind of bland. Give me the spicy chili of Carneys–where, btw, I’ve never had to wait.